What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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