You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
