your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
