he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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