I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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