it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
