Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
