Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
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