I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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