I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
