Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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