i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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