I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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