Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize