I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
