One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
