I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
