I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
