Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
