Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
