can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
