yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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