Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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