so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
