My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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