Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
