TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
