Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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