If i come over, it means nothing
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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