God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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