it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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