9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
