the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
