First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
