Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
