So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
