theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
