I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
