You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need moral support for this bender
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
