just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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