I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
