I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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