It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
