God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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