i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
