He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
