Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
