Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
