R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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