I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
