If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
