Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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