3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
