just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
