winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
