whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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