Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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