yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't deserve a penis
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
