1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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