Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
