A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
