I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
